Alligator Bites Off Guy’s Testicle, Amongst Other Things

Feels like it's been a while since we've had a good old alligator story. Last year we were swamped with em, we had prehistoric-sized gators casually strolling through golf courses, then we had alligators snatchin' up babies at Disneyland. Well, now alligators are back in the news and it's because after years of evolution, they've … Continue reading Alligator Bites Off Guy’s Testicle, Amongst Other Things

North Korea Has Threatened To Blow Up The United States Today.

Finally! For what seems like a millennia, the North Koreans have been teasing us with their missiles, pussyfooting around, but not anymore. The North Koreans are finally ready to blow their load! I've always thought that lil Kim might've had commitment issues and that's why he has never put a stone cold date on the … Continue reading North Korea Has Threatened To Blow Up The United States Today.

Hard To Argue With Lamar Smith’s Reasoning On Melting Ice Caps

OF COURSE! It's all so simple. When ice melts, it creates more water THUS, ships will have more water sail over. Thank you Mr. Smith, if weren't for you and your friends in the House Science Committee, I don't think we would've ever solved this riddle. I guess this helps explain why there are so … Continue reading Hard To Argue With Lamar Smith’s Reasoning On Melting Ice Caps

Justin Trudeau Graces The Cover of Rolling Stone, Let’s See How Trump Responds…

Fucking nailed it. If there was one issue plaguing the United States, it was transgendered people in the military. For too long, transgendered people have believed they had the same right as us to die for their country. Well not anymore! Trump and his team of military experts crunched the numbers and realized that transgendered … Continue reading Justin Trudeau Graces The Cover of Rolling Stone, Let’s See How Trump Responds…

American Hero John McCain, Takes Time Out of Dying To Help Repeal Obamacare

Oh John McCain, you Maverick you. Taking the time out of your cancer treatment to ensure that millions of Americans will soon be uninsured. After 17 years of terror (the president's words, not mine) Obamacare has finally been put forward for repeal thanks to the brave men and women of the Republican party and more … Continue reading American Hero John McCain, Takes Time Out of Dying To Help Repeal Obamacare

Big Week For My Family Continues, As My Dad’s Childhood Orthodontist Was Arrested For Having Child Pornography

What a week for my family. First, we got my doppelganger running around Switzerland, cutting people up like a real life Leatherface and now my dad's childhood orthodontist is being arrested for having a bunch of child pornography. According to my dad there were only 2 orthodontists in the city at the time and it … Continue reading Big Week For My Family Continues, As My Dad’s Childhood Orthodontist Was Arrested For Having Child Pornography

RG3 Has Been Reportedly Working With Pep Hamilton

Pep Hamilton shouldn't be allowed within 300 yards of anything football related. If RG3 wants to know why he can't land a job (besides his lack of cartilage in his knees) it's because of terrible decision making skills like this. First, he's associated with a food-chain that had a pedophile for a spokesperson and now … Continue reading RG3 Has Been Reportedly Working With Pep Hamilton

Despite Certain Reports, I Did Not Chainsaw A Bunch of People In Switzerland Over The Weekend

I know this looks bad, I get it. You never want to look like someone who just went on a chainsaw rampage but like I said, I swear to God that man is not me. Just look at that luscious head of hair, you don't think I'd kill to have a head full of hair? … Continue reading Despite Certain Reports, I Did Not Chainsaw A Bunch of People In Switzerland Over The Weekend