Known Good Guy Aaron Hernandez Has Killed Himself…Or Has He?

Shocking news coming out of the world of crime, as former Patriots tight-tend, Aaron Hernandez has supposedly hung himself. This comes as a pretty big surprise seeing as things were looking on the up and up for the former tight-end. He had just been acquitted of 2 of the 3 murders he’d been charged with, so hanging yourself seems like a weird way to celebrate, unless we’re talking about a classic case of erotic asphyxiation gone wrong. One of the oldest and most embarrassing ways to die IMO. This is why I think we got an Andre Barksdale type of situation on our hands. No way Hernandez killed himself, someone was definitely jealous of Hernandez’s back-to-back acquittals (The Patriot way) and strangled him, making it look like Hernandez killed himself. Knowing Hernandez and all the biblical quotes he has tattooed on himself, he was probably reading the Good Book just as a fellow prisoner Judas’d the fuck out of him.

Now of course, when any athlete dies the conversation of legacy comes up. Does Aaron Hernandez deserve to get a statue for all he had done during his time with the Patriots, or are statues and busts reserved for those who were acquitted of all charges despite how obviously guilty they were *cough* O.J. Simpson, Ray Lewis, Marvin Harrisson *cough*.

I think Hernandez also enters that “what if” category that has now allowed for athletes to make their respective HOF’s due to circumstances that shortened their careers. If Terrell Davis deserves to make the Hall of Fame because we just assumed he’d continue to be great if it wasn’t for injuries. Then could you imagine the duo of Hernandez and Gronk for 10 years, Brady would probably have a ring on each of his fingers, but all because of some pesky police work, we’ll never know what could’ve been. AND with the recent belief that football causes concussions, how are we to know if it wasn’t the CTE that caused these murders. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here, but maybe the next time an NFL player murders someone, Goodell should have to stand trial as well. I believe the term is called “guilt by association”.

P.S. At least Hernandez’s soul can take solace in the fact that he played on the same Gators team as Timothy Richard Tebow III, all but guaranteeing him a place at the pearly gates.

P.P.S. This is the part where I say that I had Hernandez on my fantasy football team for two straight years and as I’ve said a 1000 times before, I’m a bigger sports fan then I am a good human.

P.P.P.S. What if Bill Belichick has Hernandez killed so he couldn’t divulge any extra Patriots’ wrong doings. If you can’t even consider for a second, that Roger Goodell and the judicial system struck up a plea deal that allowed Hernandez to get off as long as he squealed on the Pats, then you haven’t been watching football long enough.


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