The LCBO Is Recalling Bombay Gin Because They Have Big Dump In Their Pants

Sorry for party rocking?

Like what the WTF LCBO? Haven’t you guys ever heard of the saying “more bang for your buck”? Because this was literally that, except “bang” was replaced with alcohol content.

I refuse to sit here and believe that someone complained about this. I know the type of people who drink Bombay Sapphire and I guarantee they don’t care that the alcohol content was 37% more potent or however booze works. These are the type of people who actually enjoy bottle service because somehow a “bottle” between 10 people still manages to get them drunk and I’m guessing this is why. Like I’m not trying to be a hardo, but if I needed to (or felt like it) I could drink a 26, but that’s with your standard 40% alcohol level. I couldn’t imagine drinking a 1.14 litre bottle that had a 77% alcohol level, but it sounds heavenly.

This just goes to show that the Liquor boards in Canada have become to powerful. The prices in Canada are already a joke and the last time I checked we had laws in place that stopped the monopolization of products, yet the Liquor boards run their rackets like mafioso’s. Who is the LCBO to tell me that I can’t drink a bottle that’s 77% alcohol, it’s my right as a Canadian citizen to drink how much of whatever I want, whenever I want. You think John A McDonald would’ve been able to get the Pacific Railway underway had he not been in a long term relationship with the bottle. There’s a reason that thing got built so fast and only 2/3rds have to deal with corruption and racism. That last third was made possible by the wonders of alcohol.

It’s times like these that I think we’re losing our way as Canadians. We use to take pride in our ability to drink like the Irish and rebound like the Russians but now, now we get our panties in a knot because someone mislabeled a liquor bottle. Sad!

If you’re one of the lucky people to get this Willy Wonka Golden Ticketesq bottle and you return it, you should be put on a patch of ice in Nunavut and be sent adrift. We as Canadians can’t allow a weak link like that to remain in our country. That’s how empires fall.

P.S. Imagine being a homeless person and you were lucky enough to get one of these bottles? You could be king of the hobo’s. Which now that I think of it might be why the LCBO decided to recall these bad boys. The homeless are ornery enough, we don’t want them getting hopped up on even stronger liquor or moving passed their differences in order to overthrow us. Imagine liquid confidence had a baby with retard strength, that’s what you get when you give a homeless man a bottle that’s 140 proof.

P.P.S. Kind of off topic but also not. Homeless people need to develop a machine that accepts debit and credit cards. Whenever I leave the LCBO, there’s always a homeless guy asking for spare change, the only thing is, I haven’t used cash to buy booze since I became legal. That shit goes straight to the Visa. So whoever is in charge of the homeless delegation needs to help his people advance with the times, if they ever want to see the glory of ’90s pity again.


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