Are French Sports Fans Smarter Then Americans? An Investigative Report.

Editors Note: I Was finally able to find a guest blogger. Introducing Rodolfo Balzac and possibly the most audacious claim on this site to date. That the French are smarter then Americans. Shocking, I know. So please direct all anger towards him and not me. Thank you.  

It’s a situation as old as sports itself in North America. A team meekly exits the playoffs,   humiliated in their own stadium.  Another year of high expectations and no banners as their mediocre core ages and pushes a year closer to getting significantly overpaid in free agency.  But yet, as the seconds tick down, the PA announcer implores fans to applaud the “effort.”  And almost to a tee, the fans wave their towels, clap and cheer for their failed season.

North American sports is fascinating is so many ways.  But there is one thing that stands out when you compare it to others around the world: the utter submissiveness of its fans.

In Europe, teams believe that fans can organically create atmosphere.  In North America, teams think that fans are simple slack-jawed yokels who will just stare blankly at the field of play unless a large videoboard tells them how to act. Organic chanting after a rebound is drowned out by an inane rendition of ‘EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS’ at NBA arenas around the continent (and in every case, the original chant stops because the big voice upstairs said it should).  Fans sit on their hands during the actual game, but go absolutely crazy at the end when they can win $3 worth of free fast food even though they paid $150 for their ticket. They blow a fucking horn at NFL games since they have such little faith in fans to make noise on third downs on defense.

But let’s hold that thought for a second.  In other news, yesterday France elected Emmanuel Macron over certified garbage clown Marine Le Pen.  She tried all the tricks in the Donald Trump playbook, from xenophobia to Russian hackers to e-mail scandals to try to win. But she couldn’t even get 35% of the vote.

Was it because Macron is far more likable than Hilary Clinton?  Was it because a number of economic and socio-political factors meant that Le Pen didn’t get the same centre-right support that Trump did?  Was it because the French election system isn’t a piece of hot garbage?

Well, no.  The answer is Le Pen didn’t get elected because the good people of France aren’t fucking morons.

Why?

They think for themselves.

Go to France and watch a soccer match (or “match de football,” as they call it).  Fans don’t cheer for free t-shirts, they cheer for goals.  Fans don’t need a jumbotron to tell them to get loud, they need police officers to tell them to be quiet.  Fans don’t tepidly cheer when their team fails on the grand stage, they throw trash at the Portuguese and then riot in the streets.

And that’s important, because it means you can make your own decisions.  When the loud man or woman says VOTE FOR ME, you don’t just mindlessly run to the ballot box, you actually think critically about the situation.  Donald Trump went to the rust belt, offered them the low quality Chinese-made t-shirt giveaway version of campaign promises, and because all those people have spent their lives jumping across children to snare their $5 glorified dishrag, they knew no better than to take it and run.

Good thing the French don’t wear t-shirts – they wear button downs (or those weird-ass striped sweaters).  And that’s why they have a real leader while the US has some dude who looks like the Wichita State Shocker.  Allez les blues, indeed.

 

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