Antonio Cromartie’s Sperm Is More Athletic Then You

Talk about elusive speed. Coaches are always talking about un-coachable intangibles and if you ask me, Cromartie’s sperm as a perfect amount of je ne sais quois that will translate in the pros. This isn’t even his first kid since his vasectomy, it’s his 3rd! That’s right, Antonio Cromartie has had 3 children since he got his nuts snipped, so if you ever need proof that the only safe sex is no sex, here you are. What makes things even CRAZIER is that Cromartie’s wife even got her tubes tied in an effort to slow down Antonio’s Michael Phelps’ like swimmers but just like Phelps at Rio, Cromartie’s sperm refused to be stopped. Antonio Cromartie has so many children that he can field a whole co-ed softball team and still have players on the bench, that’s absurd!

If I’m Antonio Cromartie, I would just start studding (?) like a horse. You’re telling me there isn’t a market out there for super sperm? There’s thousands of families that are unable to produce a child and here we have a man who no matter how hard he tries, cannot stop producing kids. And with his NFL career all but over, Cromartie is going to need to find a new source of income for his 14th child. The NFL at most can pay for 10 kids, but after that, you better start moonlighting. And selling super sperm sounds like a lucrative gig. You know how birth control is 99% effective, well this sperm is 99% sure to get you pregnant. You’re welcome families of America. Anotonio Cromartie and his super sperm are here to populate you.


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