Despite Their Latest PR Blitz, I Refuse To Believe That North Korea Has Developed Missile Technology

In what seems to be a monthly occurrence, the North Koreans are once again claiming to have developed missile technology and for the millionth time, I ain’t buying what lil kim is selling.

Let’s look at the facts. First, it was announced that North Korea fired an unidentified projectile, given lil Kim’s childlike temperament and his flair for the dramatic, an unidentified projectile could literally be anything or more importantly, anyone. Are we sure he didn’t get angry at a family member for falling asleep during his 15th parade this month? For all we know this unidentified projectile was just lil Kim’s aunt being launched into orbit. So while that may not be a rocket, it would mark the first North Korean to ever enter the earth’s orbit, which in itself, is quite the feat. Secondly, anyone who has to announce to the world for the 15th time this year that they’ve launched a missile, 100% hasn’t launched a missile. What is the 1940’s? Bragging about launching a missile in the year 2016, is like bragging about having wireless internet, literally everyone has it and no one gives a fuck.

Now, Seoul has reported that it was a missile but no offense to our South Korean allies but they’re starting to sound like the boy who cried wolf.

missileYou can’t keep claiming your neighbours to the north have been launching missiles only for us to discover it’s not true. I don’t want the next host of the winter Olympics to be unable to tolerate a country that hasn’t engaged in a war in over 50 years. That’s not what the Olympics are about. They’re about distracting the world while you prepare to invade another country, am I right Putin/Hitler?

What is a little worrisome, is that it seems like the North Koreans have developed photoshop technology.

photoshopIt starts with the photoshopping of a successful missile launch but ends with them photoshopping dicks all over the place, like some sort of North Korean bukkake on our freedom.

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