In What Has To Be One of The Greatest Rebrands of All-Time, Syria’s Al Qaeda Has Been Taken Off Canada’s Terrorist List.

Not since New Coke rebranded to Coke Classic has the human race seen such a marvelous rebrand. I mean, I never thought Al Qaeda would ever be taken off our terror list but here we are. It just goes to show that even terrorist groups need to adapt to an ever changing market. Al Qaeda saw what ISIS was doing and realized that terrorism is a young man’s game and Al Qaeda just doesn’t have it in them anymore to wage Jihad. So, instead of letting the invisible hand wipe them off the face of the earth like a tomahawk missile, Al Qaeda did what any great company does and adapted. And I can’t imagine it was an easy transformation, for the last 40 years Al Qeada has been a cornerstone in the Terrorism world. Whenever anything would go wrong, our first question would be “was it Al Qaeda?” but not anymore, that was old Al Qaeda, this is the new, lighter, more quirky Al Qaeda. Old Al Qaeda would never get an invite to a party but new Al Qaeda??? Shiiiit, you better believe their getting an invite, with their cute “death to america” chants and what not. And I mean, if we’re being honest, I’ll take Al Qaeda over ISIS at a party any day of the week, at least they don’t have a penchant for cutting people’s heads off and can brag about pulling off the biggest terrorist attack of all-time. Call me old fashioned, but I have a hard time taking those millennials over at ISIS seriously, what have they done? A couple suicide bombings on their home turf? Big whoop. Until Mossad is taking you out a’la Black September you shouldn’t even be called a terrorist group. I remember when being a terrorist use to mean something. Sad!


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