A Lady Is Going To Hang From A Helicopter Over Niagara Falls Using Only Her Teeth

These damn Wallenda’s and their love for the falls. I don’t know a single person who loves Niagara falls as much as the Wallenda family. If you don’t remember, four years ago, Mr. Wallenda walked across the falls and your’s truly was there to witness it live and let me tell you, it FUCKING sucked! That pussy used a goddamn safety wire, completely wiping out any possibility of death. Which is the only reason we watch these things. It’s not that we WANT someone to die, we just want the possibility of death and the people at ABC robbed us of just that.

That’s why if Mrs. Wallenda is going to do this stunt, they need to promise us that there will be no safety harness. Who the hell cares if you won’t get a slot on ABC, you don’t think some other station will pick this up? And everyone knows network television is going the way of print, so why not find some internet streaming deal, the internet is the wild west and I gotta assume they’d be willing to front the bill if there was a chance of death. Like when that guy fell from the earth’s atmosphere. Sure he lived but for a few minutes we all thought he could die and made watching the whole thing that much more exciting.

This is why I’m hoping Mrs. Wallenda has a bigger pair of balls then her husband and refuses to do the stunt unless the element of death remains. Because if not, I’m not impressed. If she has a harness, she doesn’t have the full need to hold on with her teeth, she knows if she lets’ go she’ll be OK. But the second she takes the harness out of the equation she is clamping those jaws of life down like there’s no tomorrow.

So, Mrs. Wallenda, for the sake of the entertainment industry, the extreme stunt world, please, please, don’t be a pussy like your husband and refuse to you a safety harness.

Thank you.

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