Your 2017 Preakness Preview

While the Preakness may not be the Kentucky Derby, it has something the Derby doesn’t. Grit. This race is the Mike Aslott of horse racing. With that being said, let’s talk some ponies.

All picks in BOLD

Always Dreaming -133

As I said during the Derby, this horse is a millenial horse. While it may have been able to star during the brightest spectacle of the year (for horses) that don’t mean doodly-squat when it comes to the Preakness. Like I said above, this a gritty race, dreamers have no business intermingling with grit.

*side note* -133 Might be the best odds you’ll ever get for a horse that won the Kentucky Derby.

Classic Empire +264

Fun fact, the Star Spangle Banner was created in Baltimore after the Americans were able to repel a British bombardment. Sorry Classic Empire, but you have a better chance at becoming glue, then winning this thing.

Looking At Lee +900

A statue of general Lee was recently taken down in New Orleans because America finally realized they had not only a bunch of statues for racist traitors (Lee wasn’t actually that bad) but that they were giving statues to guys who lost a war, what are you, the French? Not to mention Robert E Lee was almost undefeated in the North, that’s why I think this horse will SHOW, just like the confederacy.

Cloud Computing +1300


Conquest Mo Money

“Mo money mo problems” said the rich person. Let’s show


Like 1954, this Guatemalan doesn’t stand a chance.



Senior Investment 

Old people are horrible with investments, hell my grandma still loves me. NEXT

Term of Art

I hate art. Make like Van Gogh and cut your ear off, you hobbit.


I didn’t graduate highschool to do math.

I realize that once again I didn’t really pick a winner but just like this years Derby, there really isn’t a clear cut favourite. -133 is wild for a favourite, so if you want a winner bet, take the millennial 



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