Holy Fuck, America Did What? Part 5

Pretty quiet week for the Trump administration if we’re being honest. Maybe it’s because Trump is currently on a foreign excursion, taking in the sites and sounds of the world. Planning where the next Trump hotel will be placed. Maybe Vatican City? Who knows. No matter the case, here are some of the bigger stories to come from our neighbours to the south.

First on the docket is our good friend Michael Flynn, a man who was fired so quickly that even Andrew Dice Clay can’t believe his ineptitude. Anywho, Flynn did what any great American does when called upon by congress and pleaded the Fifth or as Tron Carter calls it “the fizzeth”.

flynn I’m not going to lie, I don’t really understand why America has the 5th amendment, it seems like something a guilty old white guy would come up with… Never mind, got it.

The nice thing about Flynn invoking the 5th, is that it screams “I’m guilty”, if he wasn’t, he would’ve sung like a canary.

Now, many people are saying that by invoking the 5th, Flynn is in contempt of congress. While this may be true, I think people are forgetting that the rule book has all been thrown out the window. You don’t elect a guy who called Mexicans rapists and murderers President and then expect something like contempt of congress to still be in play.

Up next, we have Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Sessions has been possibly the most underrated person in the Trump administration. He was under investigation for his dealings with the Russians practically from the get-go, but due to Trump’s bukkake of incompetence, has been able to slide under the radar. That was until yesterday, when CNN dropped this tidbit of news.

jeff sessions

Oops!

I think I can speak for us all when I say this is just a classic mistake. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve forgotten to disclose the fact that I was having Russian officials over for a chat. Gonna need the media to cut good ole Jeff a break on this one.

Then, we have Greg Gianforte who is running in Montana for a seat in the house. Gianforte got in the news last night after literally body-slamming a reporter.

ben

While some have condemned the actions taken by Gianforte, including speaker of the house Paul Ryan, I would like to applaud Gianforte. We have guy’s like Flynn pussyfooting around serious issues by pleading the 5th, well here we have a politician whose not afraid to get his hands dirty to get results, literally. Hopefully, with Politics being a copycat game, we’ll begin to see more wrestling moves used by politicians. I gotta assume had Hillary showed up to last years Wrestlemania and dropped a people’s elbow, she’d currently be residing in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and not the man whose been apart of not one, not two, BUT SIX Wrestlemanias. That’s right, Donald Trump has been apart of more Wrestlemanias then Andre The Giant.

As for Ben, Gianforte was probably just demonstrating what would happen to him under Trumpcare. Sorry Nerd, but bad eyesight counts as a preexisting condition.

Finally, we have Sean Spicer, AKA the Spiceman, AKA my newest role model. Spicer is in the news not because he once again failed to grasp the English language but because he was shunned from visiting the Pope, despite being a devout catholic.

spiceyThis is one of those moments where I just sit back and enjoy the dickishness of Donald Trump. All Sean Spicer wanted for Christmas was to meet the Pope and Donald Trump shot down that dream, like a plane flying over Ukrainian airspace. You would think for the countless times Trump has thrown Spicey under the bus, he’d at least throw him a bone but NOPE. Spicer had to stay in the White House bushes as Trump met his idol. Outstanding.

Star of The Week

The Pope!

GOAT

It’s never a good look when the guy who kisses sick people for a living keeps his distance from you.

And then of course there’s his face, just complete and utter contempt. To put this into a historical context, Pope Pius smiled and was indifferent to Hitler. That’s right, the guy who was in charge of the mass extermination of 6 million Jews got a warmer reception from the Pope then Donald Trump. Sad!

pope pius

 

Has Trump Created Peace In The Middle East?

isBaby steps.

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