Tiger Woods Was Charged With A DUI

Poor Tiger, right after telling the world that he’s feeling the best he has in years he goes ahead and get’s himself a DUI. It’s sad to see how star has fallen. Who cares about the DUI, what’s the bigger story is the fact that he was even charged. One of the main reasons for becoming famous and rich, is that regular rules don’t apply to you. Every minute some celebrity is driving the streets intoxicated and the police don’t care. Police only care about giving DUI’s to C-list celebrities and lower, so for Tiger to now fall into that quality of person, is pretty heartbreaking. We’re talking about the greatest golfer of all-time here, and now he’s being shamed for having a few too many cold ones and driving, on Memorial Weekend no-less!

The only reason I can see why Tiger had this mishap happen was that he was trying to follow John Daly’s training regiment. I mean, if John Daly can win a tournament at the age of 51 after only ripping darts and drinking a few bud lights, why couldn’t Tiger? Well, I’ll tell you why, you can’t just step into the degenerate lifestyle, it takes years of training to acclimate your body. Just because Tiger’s done some training with the Navy Seals, doesn’t mean he’s ready for the John Daly lifestyle. I expect a younger golfer to make this mistake, not the guy whose won 4 masters.

If I’me Tiger’s PR team, this is the easiest scandal to get out of. Everyone knows he just had another back surgery. Just say that he had a beer or two after taking some of his painkillers and didn’t realize it would inebriated him like that. Boom, charges averted. You’re welcome Tiger, maybe think of hiring me next time.

P.S. Bad Visual when it came to Tiger’s mugshot

msAs a guy whose no stranger to taking bad photos, I really feel for Tiger here. I don’t know how you take a good mugshot, but it’s definitely not like this. This is the face of a guy whose dead inside.

This Tiger pisses on Denny’s waitresses like it ain’t no thang.

ts

 

This Tiger, pays $50 hookers to piss on him

ms

 

P.S. When I saw he got arrested in Jupiter, it threw my mind for a loop. Honestly thought we had sent him on some space mission and I had just missed it, which led me to wonder why the planet had liquor laws to begin with. Yes, I’m an idiot.

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