We Seem To Have An Angry Birds Situation On Our Hands

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but it looks like the bird delegation has begun it’s first wave of attacks on humans. Is this because the United States pulled out of the Paris Agreement? I don’t know, I don’t speak bird, but it’s clear that something has angered them. You could tell me we had one bird attack and I’d brush it off, but two? Including one in a liquor store, which is a clear act of aggression. Then I have to take notice.

First up, we had ravens breaking windows all over the province of Newfoundland.


I’ve seen enough Game of Thrones to know that once Ravens start getting ornery, you need to get the fuck out because what follows are these guys…


So it was nice knowing you Newfoundland, but unless you got yourself a bag full of Valerian Steel and Dragon Glass, you might as well roll over and get ready to join the army of the undead.

Foreshadowing the appearance of White Walkers aside, even a peaceful group of ravens/crows should put a chill down your spine. I mean their group is literally called a “murder”. That’s enough for me to know that these birds aren’t to be fucked with. We don’t even call a pack of sharks a murder and I’m pretty sure sharks have killed more people then ravens.

Also back when I went to Laurier, I’m pretty sure we had the highest concentration of ravens/crows in all of Canada. Swear to god, you’d walk out and there’d be a murder of crows just starring at you. And once they got airborne it was literally like a scene out of Game of Thrones.

Then, we had an unprovoked attack on a harmless liquor store in California, orchestrated by a rogue Peacock.


Look, you could tell me that this Peacock killed a family of 3 and I’d be like, they probably had it coming but what has booze ever done to you Peacocks!? $500 worth of booze in the states is like a grand in Canadian. Think of all that innocent booze, broken, laid out all over the floor, all because this damn Peacock was having a bad day. But I guess that was the only way to get our attention. Like I said, a death doesn’t really get play in today’s world but booze? That still get’s asses in the seats. This bird knew exactly what it was doing. It could’ve hit up a 7/11, a CVS but it went straight for the human heart.

Well message received birds. Time to go fuck with some nests.

P.S. Still the scariest birds of prey, these eyes have ever seen

birds of prey


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