California Man Shoots Person With Cereal Filled Gun

First off, shock of the century this guy wasn’t from Florida. That face screams Floridian and his methodology for attacking his victim says, “I’ve taken my fair share of bath salts”. But I guess that’s neither here nor there, all I’m here to say, is that if you shoot someone with a gun loaded full of Rice Krispies, then you shouldn’t have to serve time.

Last time I checked, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so if anything, this guy is more superhero then attempted criminal. Big cereal has gone on record saying that millennials are killing the cereal industry. So it’s not Timothy Glass Jr’s fault that he was trying to save a dying industry. Cereal companies should be taking note, realizing that it’s an ever changing marketplace, where old ideas die and new ones flourish. It’s like when they invented the ‘Shotgun Shot’ in ‘It’s Always Sunny’. Mr. Glass saw a dying industry and tried to re-invent it. Sure, American’s may not eat cereal like they use to, but they sure as hell still love their guns. So if Kellogg’s really doesn’t want cereal to go the way of the dinosaur, they should consider a cross-marketing campaign with the fine people over at Smith & Wesson.

Right now, the world may be laughing at Timothy Glass Jr. but in 50 years, we’ll be wondering how we ever ate cereal without it being shot at us from a gun.

Timothy Glass Jr. Cereal Aficionado, Gun Lover and Inventor. Truly, a great American.

P.S. I never want to advocate the death of another person, but it’s kind of a shame the victim lived. Could’ve had a cereal killer on our hands…

I’m sorry

 

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