A Couple Hikers Got Mauled By A Bear In Alaska

That’s what you get for trying to be outdoorsy. Do you know how many times I’ve gone for a hike? Zero. Do you know how many times I’ve been mauled by a grizzly bear? That’s right, zero. The chances of seeing and being attacked by a bear decrease immensely when you stay in the safety of your home or at least a major city. There have been zero bear attacks in Toronto this year. Is it because bears are scared of skyscrapers and diversity? I don’t know, I don’t speak bear but it could also be because the last time a bear tried to enter Toronto we shot him on site.

Going hiking in Anchorage is like going swimming in South Africa, the chances of you getting attacked by a predatory creature are pretty high, whether it be bear, shark, or racism.

There is a part of me that thinks this was revenge for Smokey. I realize he got shot in Toronto and this took place in Alaska but I just get a feeling that this bear knew what he was doing. An eye for an eye as the bible says. These hikers are just lucky they got out alive, if I was a grizzly bear I’d be killing people left and right.

Deny Global Warming? Paw to the face.

Shoot my fellow bear? You better believe I’m biting your motherflipping neck.

It will be interesting to see how Donald Trump responds to this act of aggression. As it’s becoming evidently clear that there is a war a-brewin’ between him and the animal kingdom.

If only we had listened to the eagle when we had the chance.


Mayweather Vs. McGregor might not live up to the hype but Donald Trump Vs. Mother Nature is promising to be the fight of the century.


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