Your 2017 Raptors Draft Preview

I won’t lie, this is a little rushed, because I decided to blog about diarrhea and prince’s instead of things that matter like, you know, sports.


Tonight is the NBA draft AKA the worst day to be a Raptors fan. Every year the Raptors have the easiest choice and every year they fuck it up. I don’t think I’ve liked a Raptors pick since DeRozan and before that, the only other pick I liked was Bosh (I was too young for Vince and McGrady). The best example of a Raptors fuck up would be when they took Bargarni 1st overall, but my two personal favs were, taking Terrence Ross 16 picks before he was projected and taking Bruno Caboclo aka the Brazillian Kevin Durant AKA 2 years away from being 2 years away, which be this year actually, anyways. So as you can see, the Raptors draft history is a cavalcade of sadness and that’s why I’m here to help.

The Raptors have the 23rd pick after being bounced out of the playoffs by the Cavaliers and the consensus amongst mock drafts is that they should take Ivan Rabb. This is the wrong pick. The Raptors have enough white guys on their team, if anything, I’d say they’re too white. I realize affirmative action goes both ways but I wouldn’t be offended if the Raptors cut every white guy on the team, even JV. Not to mention, this Ivan fellow sounds pretty European, which is the biggest red flag in the world. For every Dirk, there’s a million Bargnanis. Plus, if the Raptors want a white european so badly, they should trade for Porzingis, the Knicks are literally bargaining with themselves, driving down the price, if Masai is the Messiah we’ve been promised, then he should be able to pull a fast one on that geriatric fuck, Phil Jackson.

So who should the Raptors take?


Purdue PF/C Caleb Swanigan. Full disclosure, I am a Purdue fan but I’d never want the Raptors to draft a Purdue guy just because they’re my college team, I’m not a fucking idiot. Anyways, Swanigan was Big 10 player of the year, which was arguably the best conference in college basketball last year. He was as well a consensus first team All-American and won the NCAA award for Big Men. It’s no secret that the Raptors have a rebounding problem, during the postseason they got absolutely dominated on the boards and it’s because they didn’t have a real big man. Sure the Raptors are more of a shooting team but I still believe big men win championships and that Golden State is the exception to the rule. But also, if the Raptors shooting goes cold, they need someone to pick up the boards or else every shot might as well be a turnover.

Swanigan is projected to go 31st, so taking him at 23 isn’t that far of a leap, I also believe that he’s better then a few of the big men ranked ahead of him in some of the mock drafts. Swanigan may not be the answer as a starter but he would be great to have coming off the bench and in a few years, I could definitely see him being a full time starter. Swanigan could offer us what Bismack Byombo did 2 years ago and for a fraction of the price. He could also help our defensive game immensely and with Dwayne Casey being the defensive minded coach that he is, he’d be perfect for moulding Swanigan into a top NBA defender and rebounder.

So please, for the love of god, take Caleb Swanigan. You can’t tell me Drake wouldn’t love the pick for rapping purposes. So don’t think of me, think of Drake, your “biggest” fan.


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