Timothy Richard Tebow III Has Been Promoted To The Class A-Advance League

Can I get a hallelujah from the choir!?

Timothy Richard Tebow is out here proving the haters and losers wrong one day at a time. Sure he has a .222 batting average and I’ll concede 69 (nice) strikeouts in 63 games isn’t optical but even Jesus needed time before he started dropping miracles left and right. People forget that before Jesus was turning water into wine, he was just some lowly carpenter who claimed he could speak to god. So while Tebow’s ability with wood is lacking, it’s hard to deny that his ceiling isn’t higher then Jesus’.

Jesus was a messily 5’1 and while Rudy was a great movie all-in-all, the guy only took part in two plays. So no disrespect to Jesus, but he’d be laughed out of every locker room he entered. Turning water into wine is cool and all but the last time I checked, that was a major cause for 2011 Red Sox collapse. So unless Jesus figures out how to turn water into Gatorade, he’s SOL. There’s as well the glaring fact that despite his supposed greatness, Jesus never won a National Championship, where as Tebow has won 2. Once again, I’m not trying to belittle Jesus but the guy is going to need to step up his game if he doesn’t want to be passed by Tebow for God’s favourite son.

Now, some cynics out there are saying that this is just a publicity stunt and that Tebow doesn’t belong to be promoted to the highly regarded class A-Advanced league but I couldn’t disagree more. Last time I checked, a bunch of people thought Jesus was a quack, so much so that they crucified the poor SOB. And while Tebow isn’t physically being crucified, you could argue that the media has been attempting to crucify Tebow for every move he makes, only for Tebow to dunk on them and make them look foolish, like a modern day St. Peter.

I am a little concerned with Tebow’s obligations to cover SEC football games come the fall. Tebow is going to have to make a decision whether to stay on the Mets or go back to his cushy job as an analyst. Then again, the Mets season will be done come the end of September. Giving Tebow the ability to finish off the season with the Mets and come back by October to cover college football. Tebow may not be Jesus but he’s one hell of a renaissance man.


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