So I was perusing twitter late Friday or Saturday night and I stumbled upon a tweet talking about a time when people actually went to war against a bunch of emus. This of course peaked my interest. You’re telling me, that we’ve already had an animal-human war and I’m just finding out about this. Why isn’t this taught in every history book. How many times can you say that man waged a full fledged war against an animal and the best part of all, they lost. That’s right, we couldn’t even beat a bunch of fucking flightless birds and yet we think we’re an apex predator. Laugh out loud funny.

emu war 2

Look, I can understand losing to a bunch of emus had this war taken place in the Middle Ages. Sure we have swords and arrows but Emus are big and fast, so I could see them getting the upper-hand. But, this war took place in 1932, 14 years after World War 1 had ended. We had goddamn planes and good ones at that, so to get outsmarted by a bunch of birds who couldn’t even figure out how to fly is embarrassing. This war took place after the Emus kept raiding Australian farmers’ crops, like a bunch of barbarians sacking Rome. This caused the Australian farmers to call in the military and more specifically, this guy

emu war 3

Sir George Pearce AKA The Minister of The Emu War AKA World’s Biggest Idiot

The Aussies, armed with 2 Lewis machine guns and 10,000 rounds of ammunition proved to be no match for the Emus as they were only able to kill 900. That’s right, it took 10,000 machine gun bullets to take out a bunch of stupid fucking emus. it’s no wonder why Australia has tried to hide this from the world. A major in the Aussie military even compared them to the Zulus which isn’t the highest of military praises (no offense to the Zulus), the major said, and I quote: “if we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world… They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks. They are like Zulus whom even dum-dum bullets could not stop.”

That’s such a preposterous quote it sounds like something I’d make up for one of these blogs. That if we armed Emus with machine guns that they’d be one of the strongest military’s in the world. OUTSTANDING. This does though go to prove my point that if we were ever to engage in cross-species warfare that we better come prepared because if the great Emu War has taught us anything, it’s that even flightless birds can out maneuver a machine gun.





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