OJ Simpson May Be Denied Parole For Jerking Off

Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was America? Where in the constitution does it say a guy can’t enjoy some alone time while in prison. I thought jerking-off was one of like 5 things a guy could do while incarcerated.

I understand if you want to stop OJ from being released due to the fact that he probably, definitely, once murdered two people and spawned the Kardashian empire. But don’t tread on a guy for blowing off some steam. For all we know, this stopped OJ from committing a third murder and shows a tremendous amount of self-restraint.

I realize that America’s prisons are for profit and nothing draws people quite like OJ but if every civil rights group isn’t on this, I’ll be livid (for the next hour). There are basic human rights that deserve to be given to even the worst humans. One of those is the ability for one to pleasure oneself. It’s not like he was hurting anyone else, if anything that running back grip does more harm to his little buddy, then anybody else.

If anyone deserves to be in trouble it should be the guard whose trying to catch dudes jerking-off. That’s sexual assault brotha or at least has to violate some sort of human-rights law.

This is the real world, not Foucault’s panopticon.

I never thought I’d say this but #FreeOJ

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