Everyone who knows me, knows I fucking LOVE sharks. I will pretty much drop anything I’m doing, if you were to show me a shark video. I’ve seen every shark documentary on Netflix and heck, when I was a kid, I always wanted a pet shark, sadly for me, I’ve yet to see the type of money that allows one to purchase a non-kiddie-pool. With that dream on the back-burner, all I’ve been left with is Shark Week.
Shark Week has become almost a religious phenomenon. We know no one is ever gonna get eaten on live TV and we know that they’re never going to find a Megalodon, but goddamn are they good at luring us in.
Now, as most people know, the big draw for Shark Week this year was that 28-time Olympic medalist, Michael Phelps was going to race his biggest foe to date. A Great White Shark. From the get-go plenty of us were skeptical and our skepticism proved to be true, as instead of racing a real life Great White, Phelps raced the star of the next Sharknado movie and still lost.
I said in my original blog that the Shark had to win. Had he lost that race, the whole species might as well have gone extinct. Can’t be losing swimming races to a stoner from Maryland and still claim the Ocean as your own.
But that’s not why I’m angry, oh, no,no,no.
I’m angry because of the lack of promotion this thing got.
This is suppose to be your biggest draw of the week? Well then why the hell wasn’t I informed. Sure I mainly watch my TV via Netflix or stream it off websites but that’s no excuse. When a bull shark finds itself in fresh water, does it just give up and die? No! It adapts and continues to swim up stream eating 4 people on the way. I’m sorry that cable is going the way of print but that’s no excuse to stop fighting the good fight. If it wasn’t for Shark Week, how are people to know that Sharks are less likely to kill you then a vending machine or that most people bleed to death and are never actually eaten whole? If you don’t tell the people, who will? Paul Revere ain’t running down our streets anytime soon warning us about the damage shark fining is doing.
As the late great Uncle Ben said “With great power, comes great responsibility”
So do better next time discovery, not for me but for the sharks.
P.S. Would it kill you to air one documentary where a person gets eaten? It could air a little later at night but if you want a way to save your ratings, add a little bloodshed. Just look at HBO, if it weren’t for the tits and gore, Game of Thrones might as well be the last two Hobbit movies.
P.P.S. A little racist of Discovery to use a shark from South Africa, if I’m Discovery, I’m hiring an Australian shark. Less chance that him or his relatives voted in-favour of Apartheid.