Kyrie Irving Wants Out of Cleveland Because Winning Is Too Much of A Burden


I realize that this story is now a few days old, but it broke Friday after I had left work and frankly I was pretty drunk all weekend and I have a strict don’t work on weekends policy. I was also hoping more info would  come out as the weekend went on, so that we’d have a clearer picture of what in the fuck is going on but that really hasn’t been the case.

It’s evident that Kyrie wants to be the alpha of the team he plays for and he can no longer live under LeBron’s shadow but the thing is, LeBron’s gone in a year. Everybody and their mother knows that 2018 is the year of the Banana Boat crew, and the chances of them getting together in Cleveland are close to none. So within a years time, Kyrie could be back to leading the Cavs to back-to-back first overall picks. Because really, that’s all Kyrie’s legacy really is. Before LeBron came back to Cleveland, the Kyrie led Cavs finished 15th, 13th, 13th and 10th in the Eastern Conference. And his highest FG% before the return of LeBron? .469 and that was in his rookie year. All of Kyrie’s career highs have come with the help of LeBron, he averaged the most points of his career this season and since the return of the King has made it to 3 straight NBA finals. Sure he’s only won 1 but considering all this guy was use to sniffing was the sewer, a championship ring ain’t too shabby.

Plus, where does he think he’s even gonna end up? According to major sources, two of Kyrie’s top landing destination are San Antonio and the Knicks…. yes, the highly dysfunctional and completely toxic Knicks. There’s literally zero chance Kyrie ends up on the Spurs. They have nothing to offer to the Cavs and honestly, I don’t think he’d be a great fit in that organization. Kyrie is clearly a me first player and the Spurs are the Spurs because they play selfless basketball.

The Knicks could work because they have fellow banana boat crew member Carmelo Anthony. But if Anthony were to leave for the Cavs, he’d want to make sure that the Cavs were in a better spot then the Knicks. Because what’s the point of making the Knicks better after the tumultuous career you’ve had there.

If I were the Cavs, I’m looking for draft picks and high ones. Who cares what Kyrie wants, he’s still under contract and they don’t need to get rid of him unless the right deal comes their way. You can pretty much assume that LeBron is gone at the end of this year which means the Cavs will be back to being basement dwellers, so why not stock up on picks? Prepare yourself for the long term. There’s a few more Balls that have yet to enter the NBA and the Greek Freak has a brother of his own coming to the NBA soon. Not to mention, if NBA 2k has taught me anything, it’s that the next 3 upcoming drafts have some pretty good players in them. So stock up on picks, send Kyrie somewhere shitty in the West who can offer such luxuries and prepare yourself for LeBron’s second departure. Because if we’re being honest, you guys really, REALLY, fucked up your plan the last time he left. Saying that you’d win an NBA championship before him and all that only to end up drafting Anthony Bennett…

It’s a good thing Dan Gilbert didn’t fire their GM a few weeks ago….

Good news for all of us but ‘God Hates Cleveland’ is back baby.


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