Alligator Bites Off Guy’s Testicle, Amongst Other Things

Feels like it’s been a while since we’ve had a good old alligator story. Last year we were swamped with em, we had prehistoric-sized gators casually strolling through golf courses, then we had alligators snatchin’ up babies at Disneyland. Well, now alligators are back in the news and it’s because after years of evolution, they’ve finally developed a funny bone, as they’ve seem to have eaten a homeless man’s testicle. As WFTX reports the man sustained injuries in ” his left foot and leg, left hand, and groin”.

Now, like I always say, I don’t like victim to blame BUT I gotta take the gators side on this one. Homeless people smell and I don’t care if Fredric Iman was trying to rid himself of said smell, you can’t just go diving into people’s homes. Imagine if you came home and found a homeless guy bathing in your house? You’d probably hit him with something, well sadly for our alligator friend, he doesn’t have opposable thumbs and has to use his mouth. So while this guy might’ve gotten bitten by a gator, imagine being said gator getting a mouthful of some homeless guy’s balls… That’s gotta be in the top 3 smelliest and grossest things out there. The homeless have a hard enough time keeping a clean upstairs, let alone their undercarriage.

That’s why I don’t think this gator should be euthanized, if anything, he’s more of a victim then our boy Fred. The alligator thought he was about to get a tasty-fat Floridian, instead, he got a mouthful of schmegma and meth residue, seems like punishment enough if you ask me.

At least now the homeless community knows they can’t just be putting their nuts into any pond. I’m actually a little surprised this doesnt happen more. I gotta assume the homeless in florida are always 3 steps away from getting attacked by a gator, as they have to use the same waters to bathe and cool down. Not to mention, they’re both fairly docile creatures, unless provoked or whilst on the hunt.

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