Is China Buying Our Milk To Supply Their Military?

Look, I’m as pro globalization as the next guy, my favourite beer is from Ireland and my favourite drugs come from Central America Purdue Pharmacy, but if ‘The Office’ and Donald Trump have taught me anything, it’s that we have a serious china CHYNA problem.

Now the naysayers out there might chalk this up to some old fashioned xenophobia but this far from it. It’s because I have it on good authority that milk, will soon be the currency of the future. While everyone’s focused on oil and water, the real money is in that sweet, sweet, white gold. Don’t believe me? Then why did the Chinese just dump $225 mill into Kingston’s milk supply? That’s not even our best milk! You want real dairy, you go out west, so if the Chinois, are willing to shell out that type of money for gross Kingston milk, imagine the money we could make off some Saskatchewan dairy. This is why we need to jack up the prices or at least create some sort of bidding war. We were way to quick to sell off our oil sands to the Chinese, so we need to hold firm when it comes to our milk.

But the question becomes, why now? Sure CBC says that it’s because China no longer has a one child policy but that’s exactly what the world’s smartest country would want us to think. China has the biggest military in the world and if history has taught us anything, it’s that the downfall of most of the world’s large and great armies was a shortage of food and drink, enter our milk. If China continues to purchase all our milk, they’ll be able to supply their soldiers for who knows what. And let’s not forget the versatility of milk. One second it’s drinkable and the next it’s a cheese, so now we’re not only stopping the Chinese military from developing osteoporosis but now were letting them have array of cheese platters to chose from as they run their tanks through our streets Tienanmen Square style.

Well not on my watch! Or not at least until the Chinese start offering us better prices. The people of Kingston might be stupid too realize what you guys are doing, but not me, I’m onto you guys, like white on rice.

 

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