I Can Get Behind The War On Daylight Saving Time


Finally, a cause I can get behind. Daylight saving time is a stupid and outdated concept. Sure, it might’ve made sense 200 years ago when everyone was a farmer but now there’s like 10 of them, yet every 6 months, I have to change my clock a full goddamn hour to accommodate 0.0001% of the population. It’s ludicrous I tell you! Have you ever been drunk when the clocks change on daylight saving time? It’s horrible, it’s confusing and it either gives me an extra hour of drinking, that if we’re being honest my body could probably do without or worse, takes an hour away from drinking causing me to remember the harsh realities of my existence. I don’t have the facts or stats to back this but I’m pretty sure daylight saving time is the leading cause for bar fights and drunk driving accidents.

I’m also fairly certain daylight saving time is the reason for the increase in global warming. I can’t find any written work that talks about global warming pre-daylight saving time, which makes sense if you ask me. Daylight saving time allows for one extra hour to pollute AND it was created solely to help farmers who are one of the leading contributors of greenhouse emission gasses. People forget that cows cause pollution too.

Farmers don’t even serve a purpose anymore. If you eat or drink dairy, you might as well be a neanderthal and all the best meats are genetically modified. Because do you know what’s better then a steak? A steak that was created in a lab by nerds. It’s a proven fact that anything created in a lab is superior to that created by nature. If that weren’t the case then why would percacets and xanax be legal while weed isn’t, hmmmmm?

For too long Big Farma has had control over us. First, they took all our favourite bands and made them perform for them. Then, they started dictating our clocks. Well the buck stops here. I stand by the people of Alberta, Daniel Tosh & Veep. It’s time we say no to Big Farma and no to daylight saving time, because the government doesn’t belong in our bedrooms and certainly not in our clocks (unless it’s on my cellphone).

P.S. If daylight saving time is so good then why is it mentioned exactly 0 times in the bible. God didn’t need an extra hour when he made the earth, so neither do farmers. Fin.


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