Like Nicole Brown, The Colts Got Murdered In LA And Are Probably Fucked For The Foreseeable Future

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Jesus fucking Christ, talk about a bloodbath. Now, truth be told, I don’t remember much of what transpired due to being drunker then a Kennedy, but what do you expect when your favourite team is playing on the West Coast. That’s 3 extra hours of drinking, minimum.

The Colts showed up to the city of angels but that’s about it. While I can confirm that the team and coach were physically present, their mental state leaves a lot to question. It’s never a good look when Jared Fucking Goff looks like Tom Brady, scorching defenses like napalm in ‘Nam. I mean, we’re talking about a guy who couldn’t even beat Case Keenum for the starting job, until week 9 of last year. Case Fucking Keenum, that guy has 4 more TD’s then he does INTs. Chuck Pagano should be fired after this weekend’s performance. I don’t give a fuck that Luck was out, we’ve known this for over a month now, that’s why you prepare…

The main reason Pagano should be fired is due to the fact that he was brought in to finally give the Colts a defense. Sure in the last 17 years they’ve had some stars: Mathis, Freeney and Sanders, but they never had a complete D and they’ve never been able to stop the run. You’d think that if your teams biggest weakness is stopping the run, you’d fix your run D, but that’s just not the Colt way. Why build a D or O-line when you can have the most WRs in the league. Since Pagano was hired, the Colts have gotten significantly worse on D. Besides his first season, the Colts have ranked: 19th, 25th, 22nd and 26th in the league when it comes to points allowed. There’s no defending Pagano at this point. He’s just a goatee with a stupid looking expression on his face.

The Colts offense was putrid to put it kindly. Like I said earlier we knew the offense wouldn’t be great since Luck is out but like I said, we’ve known this FOR OVER A MONTH! Do you know who is a hell of a lot better of a quarterback then Scott Tolzien? COLIN KAEPERNICK! Chris Ballard could just give Irsay a fake name and that xan addict wouldn’t notice a thing. The Colts at least had the brains to put in Jacoby Brissett, who will hopefully be our starting QB until Luck returns. Speaking of which…

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aaaaaaaaannnnnndddddddd we’re fucked. No reason to think the Colts stand a chance in this.

Hopefully this game is over by halftime so I can turn on some Redzone.

Colts Record: 0-1

Season Prediction: 9-7


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