Something The Lamestream Media Won’t Tell You. Millennials Have Saved Puy Lentils

Well, well, well, while every publication is out here trying to defame millennials by saying that they are killing stores left and right or that the reason they can’t afford houses is because they need their avocado toast, which I’d like to add sounds terrible, but to each’s own and then it turns out we’re actually saving industries, and not just any industry, but lentils. Do you know what a lentil is? Me neither but Prince George is out here stunting like Mary Antoinette and saving lentil farmers (?) across the globe.

Now, some people have been giving Prince George or I guess his parents grief for allowing their son to make such demands. Calling him Joffrey-esque, as if demanding lentils is equivalent to crossbow-ing a prostitute, but I digress. What’s the point of being a Prince if you can’t eat whatever the hell you want. If this was some regular kid demanding this, I think we’d all agree, he’s a dick (no offence) but a Prince? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, that kid might as well be the fucking teacher because there’s no way he’s getting anything less then a B+.

This does raise the question of what is the best age to be royalty? Ahh who am I kidding, all ages fucking rock. Prince George runs his school, Prince Harry was a Nazi one Halloween, Prince Philip “retired” from public engagements and I’m pretty sure the Queen is dunk 24/7. As much as I hate monarchies, I respect the hell out of the ones who’ve lasted. You do nothing, yet you get to ball out like Leo DiCaprio, without eating raw meat and pretending to get eaten by a bear.

I will never forgive my ancestors for not getting it in with some royalty. I don’t even wanna be Prince, just give me the title of Duke. I’d be walking around with my crest (something Kony related, obvi) and would let everyone know that I was Sir OnePercent, Duke of The Marshall Islands.

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