Do I Have The Bear Flu? An Investigative Report:

For those of you who follow me on twitter, you know that I’ve been putting my life on the line pretty much everyday, walking home from campus, as there have been multiple bear sightings on the path I take home. Luckily for me, I have watched every episode of The Office, so I’m pretty proficient when it comes to bears. My only issue, is that I don’t see colour, which could prove futile when that bear comes a charging.

The bear, whomst I’ve named Smokey The Second, in honour of the late great Smokey the First, who was tragically shot and killed this summer for doing his job. In what some are calling another case of white on black violence amongst our police, but that’s an issue for another day. Smokey The Second, is one of the grittiest bears this author has ever had the pleasure of covering. This guy had a motorcycle crash into him, that ended up sending multiple people to the hospital, and what did Smokey 2 do? Walked it off like the bad hombre that he or she, is.

Now, whilst I thought I’d meet a grizzly end (no pun intended), it seems that the bears have gotten me in a way I never imagined, Bear Flu. Like the pilgrims giving natives’ polio blankets, it’s become evident that the bears have infected the forrest with some sort of Bear Flu. Now I know what your thinking, isn’t the Bear Flu just a polite word for Aids? Probably but were not talking those type of bear’s folks,,, so if I had to make a medical deduction, I’d say that the Bear Flu lands somewhere in between the Swine and Bird Flu.

I won’t lie, this kind of comes as a shock to me, I always thought me and those in the animal kingdom had some sort of unwritten agreement. I thought that we were allies but maybe I was mistaken. Maybe me and the animal delegation aren’t as close as I once thought, which is quite saddening but to answer the question that matters. How much longer do I have? It’s difficult for me to answer that due to the lack of literature out there on the Bear Flu. So, if I had to make an educated guess, I’d say I’m either dead by the end of the week or like all overblown animal flu’s, I come out of this stronger then ever.

 

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