The NFL Hath Banned Kneeling During The National Anthem, But Is It Enough?

After countless players in the NFL proceeded to kneel during the National Anthem throughout the past 5 weeks, the NFL decided enough was enough and laid down the hammer. 
It all started after American Patriot and Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones came out and said that he’d bench/fine (?) any player on his team who decided to disrespect America by kneeling During the National Anthem. This came as a shock to many, as just two weeks ago, Jerry Jones can be seen pictured kneeling with his players after Donald Trump badmouthed the Shield.


 Some might say Jerry only knelt because he was defending football or maybe Jones only knelt for the photo-op. I on the other hand, think the answer is pretty obvious. Jerry Jones saw the perfect moment to try and catch a peek at some cheerleader panties. Ever since Pussy-Gate, it’s been almost impossible for an old white millionaire to sexually assault a woman. Look at what happened to Roger Ailes=dead, Bill O’Reilly=fired, Harvey Weinstein=Resigned. So, Jerry noticed all his players were kneeling and saw a golden opportunity to try and catch a peek, and they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
So after the wrinkly swinging dick that is Jerry Jones sent this threat, the NFL decided to do the right thing and ban players from kneeling during the national anthem. Once again, Roger Goodell has found himself on the right side of history and should we even be surprised? He’s been all but open to scientists who try to prove CTE and football are correlated, just none have come to a 100% certainty that football causes CTE. He fought for a whole year to protect the game of football to suspend Tom Brady 4 weeks for deflating balls during a football game. Then, to really drive my point home, let’s not forget that Roger Goodell, suspended Ray Rice immediately after the video was leaked of Rice dragging his fiancé’s lifeless corpse through an Atlantic City hotel, like you do unwanted luggage. 

While I commend the NFL for taking a stand, I don’t really think they’re going far enough. While the constitution grants you the right to free speech, no-where does it say that you can kneel when you feel like it. Not to mention, if you’re kneeling while your coach is talking to you, that just means you’re tired and would’ve never made it back when players played both-ways, like real men. Firstly, the fact that players are allowed to kneel after scoring a touchdown is appalling. While players kneel to celebrate, they take away valuable air time from the real heroes, advertisers. Secondly, it’s widely believed the only appropriate time to kneel in the NFL, is while in victory formation. That’s horseshit. This is football, not soccer, you play all 60 and you play em to the whistle. Up by 30? Hand it off to your fullback like a real man and let’s not forget the people who are truly effected from players kneeling, fantasy owners. A few weeks ago my fantasy football team lost by 0.01 of a point because Tyrod Taylor decided to get all flashy and took a knee instead of handing it off. For all I know this cost me a shot at the title and all because the Bills didn’t trust LeSean McCoy enough to run 1 yard. You expect me to believe you’re worth 40 million dollars but you can’t be trusted to run out the clock? No wonder why Trump wants to begin taxing the NFL.


Children are getting fatter and it’s evident why. We’re encouraging them to kneel when we should be encouraging them to run. Children are famously renowned for reenacting what they see on TV, Eric Clapton wrote a whole song about it. Plus the only time it’s ever appropriate to kneel in real life, is when you’re in church giving thanks to god that a cop didn’t shoot you today.

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