Colts Finally Fire Chuck Pagano

Screenshot 2018-01-02 18.35.44I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t had the best start to 2018. I lost my coat which is a serious issue considering in a couple of days, I have to go to the frozen tundra, known as North Bay (I walked 15 min home NYE, in a housecoat). Then, to make matters worse, I lost $50 worth of a secret Santa gift, a gift to which I am not legally allowed to speak of. But then I remembered, the Colts finally did it, they fired the man who thought, this

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Chuck Pagano has been a horrible coach since the day he arrived. The best the Colts ever played whilst he was coach, the team was being coached by Bruce Arians because Chuck was battling leukemia. It’s never a good look when the best your team has ever played, was when you weren’t actually coaching. Pagano was pretty much being cucked by Arians (no offense). Pagano had a 53-43 record as coach of the Colts, but we all know that’s because he had Andrew Luck. This is exactly like when Jim Caldwell’s corpse became the Coach after Dungy retired. In his first season he led the Colts to the Super Bowl, lost to the New York Jets led by Mark Fucking Sanchez, a game I solely blame on Pat McAfee. I love McAfee but that kickoff after the Colts took the lead was fucking horrendous and then the next season, the Manning-less Colts go 2-14 and Caldwell is fired. Same situation here. Colts play outstanding when Luck is their QB and then proceed to go 4-12 the one season he doesn’t play a fucking game.

I don’t think Pagano is the WOSRT coach in the NFL, I think it was just obvious his time was done with the Colts, hell, he should’ve been canned last year but then he proceeded to cry like a white Tom Haverford, securing his job for one more year.  I don’t doubt that Ryan Grigson was just as responsible for the Colts’ shortcoming’s, if not more. I don’t know who made the decision to draft Philip Dorsett with a first round pick. What I do know, is that Pagano was brought in to sure up the Colts defense and whilst he didn’t have the best players, he could’ve at least improved the Colts slightly. How does a team not fix a problem that’s been plaguing them since fucking 2000, STOPPING THE RUN. The Colts have also done wonders in protecting their franchise QB’s, I can’t believe Peyton Manning isn’t a paraplegic, let alone the fact that it took 12 years before his body finally succumbed to the billion hits it took.

And of course, the Colts fell ass backwards into another franchise QB and they end up doing the same fucking thing. The Colts and Raiders have pretty much drafted identically, for the last 17 years. Guy run fast, guy get drafted. Ignoring the GLARING flaws their respective team has.

I don’t think Pagano will have to wait too long to find himself with a job considering how difficult it is to find a coach with a .552 winning percentage. I mean, Oakland is literally creaming at the pants with the news that they are about sign Jon Gruden as head coach and that guy only has a winning percentage of .556. The way I see it, Pagano either takes a year off or spends the next year or two as a coordinator again and then gets another head coaching job. If Hue Jackson can keep a job after going 1-31 in his first two years, Pagano sure as hell deserves a second chance, he’s hardly the least competent coach in the NFL.

There is always the college route and Pagano has had success in the NCAA. Whilst never rising to the ranks of head coach, he spent 20 years in the NCAA serving  a multitude of jobs. While he did serve as defensive coordinator for UNLV for a couple of seasons, Pagano’s biggest achievements came with Miami Hurricanes, as he’d serve as their defensive backs and special teams coach from 1995-2000. His secondary in 1997 didn’t give up a touchdown for the last 27 quarters of that season. Think about it 27 fucking quarters, without giving up a passing TD. That’s 405 minutes without giving up a score. Oh, and Miami also happened to block 39 kicks in 59 games, while he was their special teams coach. The only issue with Pagano, is the fact that I feel like he’s not the greatest recruiter. Pagano doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who sleep at a players house a’la Jim Harbaugh and if you’re not willing to give it 110%, you’re fucked, especially now that College Football’s prodigal son Chip Kelly hath returned, to coach UCLA. I think the only way in which I see Pagano having a succesfull recruiting class, but that would mean he’d need to be a coach of a big-time program and I don’t know enough about college football to know whose jobs are on the line or whose hiring. If Tennessee is still hiring, Pagano would be perfect there, say what you want about Chuck Pagano but the guy knows how to deal with a shitty situation. That’s why I think Pagano staying in the NFL has coordinator makes the most sense.

This then brings us to the question of whomst shall be the next coach of the Indianapolis Colts? I’ve been pretty vocal in who I think should be chosen, and that’s Jim Harbaugh. He finished his latest season with Michigan on pretty bad note. He not only led the Wolverines to an 8-4 record but as well lost 26-18 to South Carolina Gamecocks in the outback bowl.

Now, I’m no lawyer, I’ve enough of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia to grasp the concepts of bird-law. But in my humblest of opinion’s the Colts need to do whatever they possibly can to acquire the rights to Harbaugh, I don’t if it’s as easy as him just quitting and then joining the Colts or what but the Colts need to get this guy out of Michigan. Then Chris Ballard or at worst a Jim Irsay impersonator, sits down with Harbaugh and offers him a blank check and a lifetime supply of Indiana milk. A lot of this obviously has to do with the health of Andrew Luck, but if we can get the guy who turned Alex Smith into Steve Fucking Young, no matter whether Luck plays or is forced to retire, the Colts should be in good hands. Plus, Harbaugh has a past relation with the Colts, he Qb’ed them for 3 years and even brought them to an AFC title game where they were on dropped Hail Mary away from going to the Super Bowl. His brother in-law also happened to be the Indiana Hosiers basketball coach until being canned this season.

Witch brings me to the biggest question of them all “what the hell is going on Andrew Luck”? Luck has spent the last couple of months in Europe trying to recover from his injury and if Europe can both prolong Kobe’s career AND get him out of a rape charge, I think Europe might know the secret to life. If Luck is all good to go next year, the Colts know what they need to fix, O-line to protect Luck and defense. I’ve already said that I think the Colts should trade the pick for a bundle, get more O-lineman/defense, exedra. But if Luck is done, then they have to consider drafting a QB. I realize that this is pretty much just giving a murderer a gun, but this is supposed to be the year of the QB. Josh Rosen only wants to stay at UCLA because he doesn’t want to get drafted by the Browns. It’s a shame the Colts don’t know someone whose father got his son traded from the Chargers to the Giants…..

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There’s also Bruce Arians, who announced that he was retiring. I don’t know if this is a real retirement or he just saw the writing on the wall. No matter the case, the Colts need to give Arians a call. He’s won coach of the year both with the Colts and Cardinals and while he has had his ups and downs in Arizona, he hasn’t been horrendous.

Besides Harbaugh and Arians, I don’t know who else I’d want to coach the Colts, I know there’s talk of bringing in someone from Seattle but that team seems to be on brink of implosion, so I’m good. If Irsay is serious about bringing the Colts back to their glory days, he’ll draft one of these two guys.

P.S. At least now my one buddy can’t message me anymore, asking “Do I ever wish the cancer won”.


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