Hollywood Needs To Hire Roger Goodell ASAP.

Everyday we wake up, a new allegation comes out against one of our beloved stars, involving them and some sort of sexual misconduct. To but it bluntly, Hollywood is currently in the midst of it’s biggest PR crisis to date. Now I just assume every actor at one point or another sexually harassed someone, I mean, if Aziz Anzari can get caught up in this thing, who can’t? If I’m any actor over the age of 50, I’m praying for death because it’s only a matter of time before your being crucified and rightly so.

The question then begs, what can Hollywood do to fix this nightmare? Now, I know a lot of you are probably saying “well they could just close the pay gap or that guys’ could just stop whipping out theirs dicks” but let’s realistic here, that ain’t happening. Speaking of whipping out dicks, I’m still waiting for the 60 minute special on all the different plants that were jerked off into. How has PETA not come out and protested the men of Hollywood for unsolicited jizz on ficus’ attacks.

This is why I believe that Hollywood should hire Roger Goodell to become their Czar and fix this whole semen-filled mess. The NFL’s track record when it comes to violence towards women is horrendous! But you know what? We all still tune in on Sunday. I mean did you see Minnesota’s last second touchdown toss? Twas poetry in motion. Despite countless players getting arrested, charged or accused with some sort of violence towards women, people continue to watch football and the NFL continues to make the big bucks. And this all because of commissioner Goodell. When Ray Rice knocked out his then fiancé, what did Roger do? He suspended him for two games and now Rice is a vocal member in the NFL’s anti-hitting women campaign, that real rehabilitation folks,,.

Then you have the fact that no one can take getting shit on quite like Roger Goodell. He’s so good at it, that the NFL just gave him a new contract paying him over 49 million dollars a year. This is because whenever a player does something bad, like commit sexual assault, domestic violence or kneels for the National Anthem, Roger takes a stand and a hard one at that. Not since Hitler has a man been so universally hated. Do you know how hard it is to be more hated then both Chad Kreuger and Gary Bettman? Quite! Yet year in and year out, Roger takes his licks. It takes a special kind of person to deny the link between football and CTE and then suspend a player a whole season for smoking weed.

Roger Goodell could not give a fuck about what other people say about him all he cares about is protecting the place he works for, the NFL. If Roger Goodell became the head of Hollywood, it wouldn’t matter who did what, cause Goodell would have it silenced within days. You think Roger Goodell would’ve had Kevin Spacey removed from All The Money In The World just because he was preying on little boys, he’d be too focused on making sure that Seth Rogan and Cheech & Chong are blacklisted from Hollywood, like Commies in the 50s.


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