False Nuclear Warnings Are The Latest Craze

Move over ‘tide pod challenge’ there’s a new craze taking the world by storm, false warnings of an inbound nuclear bomb from North Korea. Over the weekend, the state of Hawaii was put into a panic after an accidental warning was issued and now the same thing has happened, just to a whole country.

I can’t imagine the rush/panic that has to overcome someone when they think they’re about to wiped off the face of the earth. How do you continue on with your life after feeling that rush? I don’t think there’s a drug in this world that could give you that type of feeling and in a weird way I’m jealous. Imagine believing you had minutes to survive, what would you do? Do you call/text family members, get drunk, quell old qualms or try and bang the nearest person to you? The opportunities are endless, depending on your location and how imminent nuclear destruction is.

Kim Jong Un has to be thrilled with the publicity North Korea has been getting over the last few days. I’ve gone on record, saying that I don’t believe North Korea has the capabilities of hitting the U.S., let alone Japan. Yet, two real warnings have been issued in the last few days throwing millions of lives into chaos, meanwhile, North Korea hasn’t actually done anything. Kim Jong Un doesn’t care about the destruction of the world, he just wants people to think he has working nukes and like George W. Bush standing on that aircraft carrier, little Kimmy Kim can finally proclaim “mission accomplished”.

Now, like any deadly craze, we’re going to need to get a celebrity spokesperson to come out and declare that fake nuclear scares are bad. The War on Drugs had G.I. Joe, the “tide pod challenge” has Gronk, so now it’s time to put a face to this dangerous craze. My pick? Dennis Rodman. He already has a great rapport with North Korea, making them more likely to trust him and he’s intimidating as shit. He could just threaten to come to whomst ever is to blame for all this’ house and this whole Orson Wells-ian nigtmare will be over.

You’re welcome world.


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