I Would Like Everyone To Stop Talking About How I Pissed Myself Last Night

Yesterday evening my friend invited me over to drink some beers and watch the NBA dunk/3point competition and to put it bluntly, the Germans had more success at Dunkirk then the NBA did with last night’s dunk contest. We had also decided beforehand that we’d play power hour, if you don’t know what power hour is, it’s where you drink 60 shots of beer in 60 minutes. Well, the 60th minute comes around and we all agree we were still pretty sober. This led us to the decision of doing the century club (100 shots/100 minutes). I was not aware, but I guess the real century club involves not taking a leak throughout the whole thing. Well…. it just so happened that I had not taken a piss throughout Power Hour, so my friends convinced me to go all the way. Well, mama raised no quitter and low and behold for the first time in over a year I accomplished something.

Once we were done the century club my friends informed me we were going to bar. But let’s not kid ourselves, you don’t care about my bar experience, you wanna hear about Pee-Gate-Gate.

I arrived home early in the morning, drunk like a father who tells you he loves you. Now, usually, I’ll sleep just in my boxers but since the couch is my bed at BOTH my parents places, that’s a risk I just don’t wanna take. I then took my Marilyn Monroe cocktail and went to sleep.

Flash forward 3 hours and I wake up covered in piss. Now, being a guy who is in the midst of a dryspell, i had to check to see if I may have accidentally killed 10000 mini me’s like Christopher Moltisanti when he got high on heroin and accidently killed his dog. sadly for me, it was urine. To make matters worse, my washing machine is currently broken. This is why I ask, nay, implore that you don’t speak of this event. Thank you for your understanding.

 

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