Trump Finally Declares His First War

TRADE WAR!

TRADE WAR!

FEEL THE EXCITEMENT FOLKS,,, CAUSE WE GOT A MOTHERFLIPPING TRADE WAR ON OUR HANDS!

Who would’ve guessed that Trump’s first declaration of war would’ve been on the trade front and not around the Korean Peninsula? Yes, Trump openly discussed and continues to talk about dismantling NAFTA and sure, he’s routinely talked about deals where Americans were getting “screwed”. But I still would’ve said that he’d pick a fight with lil kim before going after the whole world. But that’s Trump for you, just when you think he’s going to zig, he talks about wanting to fuck his daughter, or in this case, declare a trade war on the world.

I wrote before on NorthRowSports (R.I.P) that Trump was the only presidential candidate who would understand veterans because he suffered from PTSD due to his countless economic wars as a businessman. And now that he’s in charge of the United States, he’s decided to lead her right into battle, like a modern day General Pickett, charging fearlessly towards the Union Army during the Battle of Gettysburg. It only makes sense that with Trump’s fondness for history he’d emulate a general whose name is synonymous with success.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “why steel and aluminum” simple, because CHYNA is the biggest exporter of steel and aluminum to the United States and while Trump can build a literal wall to keep out illegal immigrants, he would have to settle for a metaphorical wall this time. Sad!

As you can see in the chart below, CHYNA has a clear stranglehold on exporting steel to America:

Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.16.56.png

……….

Wait a second……

I think someone needs to inform the Commander and Chief that despite having some similar letters, Canada is not in fact CHYNA. It was one thing when the U.S. fucked with our gold in Pyeongchang but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that orange bastard beat us in a motherfucking trade war!

I mean, I will concede that Donald Trump looks pretty damn intimidating in a hard hat

Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.23.16.png

and that with his multiple filings for bankruptcy, the guy knows how to negotiate. But what he hasn’t realized is that this is going to destroy his whole base….

You see, Americans have been living in a fantasy land, a land in which you can buy 24’s for that price or lower… It’s an alcoholic paradise, overflowing with booze, from churches to gas stations, America is home of the free and land of the drunk. And with him placing tariffs on aluminum, the price for cans of beer will go up. And just like that, the American dream became my personal nightmare. Now Americans will see what it’s like to actually pay for beer, like an ugly chick at the bar. And, they’ll know just who to blame. Donald J Trump. A man, who has never drank booze once in his life. Affirming my theory, that you can never trust someone who doesn’t drink. It just means they’re hiding something.

So how do us as Canadians react in a rational way?

BY THROWING RATIONALITY OUT THE WINDOW?

DONALD TRUMP THINKS HE CAN OUT CRAZY US? I’m sorry, who did they call “The Crazy Canucks”? Whomst was the first to break through at D-Day, who let a serial killer volunteer at a school? That’s right, mothercanucking Canada.

Here lyith my proposal

  1. Stop buying American cheese, in specific Wisconsin cheese. Cheese is overrated as shit and that has nothing to do with the fact that if I eat it, I immediately have to shit. It’s only good when added to something and is pretentious as fuck. You’re not better then me gudda, you’re just old milk! I don’t even know why were even buying Wisconsin cheese, I don’t trust anything that gets the Paul Ryan seal of approval. The guy has a backbone of an electric eel. Not to mention this would hopefully shut up Packers’ fans for more then two minutes.
  2. Fuck Kentucky Bourbon. Jack Daniels tastes like ass and is just the male high-school equivalent to Smirnoff vodka. If you’re over the age of 19 and still drinking it, I probably hate you. Just drink Wisers or Jameson like a normal person.

P.S. If Trudeau really wanted to flex some muscle, he’d challenge Trump to a boxing match, winner decides whether or not he’ll place tariffs on the other country’s goods. Trump has openly said he’d run into a school “unarmed” to fight a school shooter, so won’t he put his body on the line for 300 million Americans. We all know he is in perfectly fine shape, just ask his doctor.

Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.41.04.png

Yes, that is a real photo of Trump’s doctor. Credit where credit’s due, Trump knows how to surround himself with some real ugly people, in order to make himself look more appealing. Just look at these people.

Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.43.15Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.45.04Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.44.00Screenshot 2018-03-06 16.44.22

Looks like the people who’d sit at the weird kids table.

No wonder the Donald has been able to turn himself into a sex symbol

Screenshot 2018-02-21 18.41.49

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