God Continues To Kick The City of Toronto In The Dick. As James Paxton Pitches No-Hitter Against The Jays

I think it goes without saying that the last couple of weeks for the should be capital of Canada (sorry if that offends). Our beloved Leafs gave the whole city the largest case of PTSD since the Battle of The Somme, after they tried their best to recreate the absolute soul crushing playoff defeat at the hands of the Bruins back in 2013. Obviously they didn’t blow a 4-1 lead in the 3rd period like in 2013 but they did go into the third up 1 and managed something like 3 fucking shots in the 3rd period as the Bruins came back to beat to beat the Leafs 7-4.

Then of course we had LeBron and the Cleveland Cavaliers absolutely skull fucking the Toronto Raptors. I’ve discussed about multiple times in the last week, so there’s nothing more to add, let the dead horse lie. At least after all that sadness and dispair, nothing worse could happen, right? Wrong!

Then we had star closer Roberto Osuna arrested for domestic assault.

Finally, last night the Jays got no hit by Seattle Mariners pitcher James Paxton. I didn’t actually watch the game and call me old fashioned but when I get a notification on my phone saying my team is currently in the midst of being shutout in the hit column in the middle of May, I’d rather just continue playing 2K with Bobby Kennedy For President playing in the background.

I think what makes this a real kick in the dick is the fact that he’s Canadian. I’m a simple man, I always want my teams to pick up an extra Canadians (thus my love for Brett Lawrie), so when a Canadian shut downs the only Canadian team in the MLB, it hurts a little more. Being on the opposite end of a no-no is bad enough but when it’s at the hands of a fellow countryman, that’s just hurtful. To add insult to injury, the Paxton didn’t even break 100 pitches… If you’re going to get no-hit, at least try and make him work a little harder for it. The pitcher on the losing side of the game was Marcus Stroman who is continuing to prove that height does actually measure heart. Stroman is currently 0-5 with a 7.71 ERA, that’s not bad, that’s atrocious. At this point, Stroman is a goddamn liability. I don’t even know what’s the cure. Should he stop hanging out with Mike Stud? Obviously. Will that help his pitching? Hard to say. Maybe the Jays need to send Stroman down to Buffalo and let him try and figure out all that is going wrong. Maybe the Jays need to put him in the pen. I don’t know if that will solve anything but the Jays are still above .500 despite some atrocious pitching on behalf of their starters, so something needs to be done and quick.

So where does this leave the city of Toronto? I had previously said that LeBron was now mayor but does he really even want to be associated with this place? I sure as hell don’t. We’ll probably end up becoming an unincorporated territory and frankly, we deserve it.

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