My List of Who Should Coach The Toronto Raptors

Editors Note: I meant to release this on Friday so I could beat any talking heads with my original ideas. Then I saw it was 2pm and realized I should just coast for the next two hours (hopefully no one I work with is reading this, if so, I spent those last two hours working my balls off). After that I meant to drop this on Saturday but then I got too drunk and as I write this note, it’s Sunday. Will I release it today or just wait till tomorrow when I put off work. Only time will tell.

With Dwane Casey now out as Toronto Raptors head coach, we as fans have all the time in the world to speculate whomst, the Raptors should bring in. The second the news crossed my desk that Casey was no more, a million different ideas were going through my head. I started walking down the isles of my office like a modern day Paul Revere telling my co-workers of the glorious news and who I thought should replace the most successful coach in Raptors history. The answer isn’t easy, since there are so many variables. Are we blowing up the whole team? Do we think we’re just missing one extra piece? Or maybe all it takes is the right person (spoiler) for the job.

Jerry Stackhouse

Stackhouse seems like both the obvious choice and fan favourite. Stackhouse has been with the Raptors orginization for a few years now and more importantly, he has coached the Raptors G-League team The 905 to back-to-back finals appearances. Stackhouse has never coached in the NBA which is probably his biggest flaw but being a former player makes up for that (sort of). By being a former player, he can command respect from players, at least that’s what my dumb brain thinks and he knows the ins and outs of the NBA. Yes, there have been plenty of horrible ex-players turned coaches but out of all the major sports leagues in North America, Basketball probably has one of the higher amount of ex-players, compared to sports like football and hockey. I wish I could give better insight to Stackhouse but anyone who watches the G-League is probably a serial killer so there isn’t on him. I don’t think his lack of experience should scare away the Raps though, everyone needs there start and why not let Stackhouse get his start in an organization in which he has had success and is comfortable in.

Mike Budenholzer

Let me be clear, I don’t want the Raptors to hire Mike Budenholzer. The only reason he’s on this list is because he was one of the names to be rumored for the job over the weekend. Bud was the former coach of the Atlanta Hawks a team he also brought to the Eastern Conference Finals, only to be swept by LeBron and Co. If the Raps are going to hire Bud, they might as well have just kept Casey. Bud’s a fine regular season coach but the second May rolls around, he forgets how to run a team.

David Blatt

According to Wikipidia, David Blatt recently got out of the whole he was hiding in in Israel and began coaching in the Turkish league. I’m glad that Blatt has finally recovered mentally after being fired at the All-Star break with the best record in the East. The last time Blatt coached in the NBA he was famously fired by LeBron James so that he could bring in his puppet Tyron Lue. Well, it’s time for Blatt to make the pilgrimage West and lead the Toronto Raptors to the promise land. Whomst better to get under LeBron skin then Blatt and I can’t think of a person out there who has a bigger vendetta against the man.

Becky Hammon

Becky Hammon is a former WNBA all-star and WNBA Hall-of-fame inductee. She also happens to be the first female in a coaching capacity in North America. She is currently the assistant coach for the San Antonio Spurs, a team that has made the playoffs every year for the last millennia. Pop is arguably one of the greatest coach’s of all-time and anyone who’s coached under Pop has to be semi-competent. The guy turns nobody into all-stars and stars into Hall-of-Fame’rs.

I think the city of Toronto would also be a good landing spot for the first female coach. No matter how impressive her resume is or how good I think she would be as a coach, the fact that she’s a woman will always bring up questions. People will wonder if the players will listen to her, can she get control of the locker-room. Now, all that can only be seen once she gets a job but my gut reaction is she could do all that. You don’t think growing up playing a sport predomently played by men didn’t teach her about adverisity. You don’t think if wasn’t for the fact that she was a woman we wouldn’t even be having this conversation because she’d be everyone’s top pick and lastly, when have NBA players ever respected their coaches anyways? All superstars pretty much call their own plays and it seems like every other day we get a clip of LeBron screaming at Lue. All that being said by being a disciple of Pop, I know that she knows how to get the absolute best because all her life she’s had to be the best.

Not to mention she’s Russian, so you know she could drink a 26 of vodka and still go 10/13 from the field.

LeBron James

I don’t think there’s a more obvious answer. If you can’t beat LeBron, you might as well try and get him. I think it’s pretty clear that this will be LeBron’s last run in Cleveland. I don’t think anyone truly believes he’ll be coming back. So why not go full-court press to court the guy. He’s gone on record about how much he loves Canada and as I routinely state, we are the third biggest city in the NBA. This city loves it’s sports and it would treat LeBron like the king he thinks he is. If Lowry and DeRozan can con their way into our hearts, then LeBron could swoon the whole city.

Now I’m not saying LeBron will hang up his shoes, oh contraire mon frere. LeBron James will be our player coach. He’s been coaching his teams for the last 10 years anyways, so why not just officially make him player/coach. We’d even pay him his coach’s salary ALONG with his player salary. If LeBron truly wants to prove he is greater then Jordan, he’ll become player coach of the Toronto Raptors. This will give LeBron one more stat to surpass His Airness

We could also allow LeBron to put any one of his friend’s in as proxy coach if so wishes. With Bosh’s career being cut short due to bloodclots, why not bring in your former teammate to coach his former team. Or maybe LeBron’s got an uncle or cousin who’s always wanted to coach, put them in, you in charge LeBron. Or better yet, he could just have our coach be a new Make A Wish kid every game. The media would be in a mental pretzel, they can’t scrutinize you if your doing something charitable and they can’t bash the coaching if the team is being coached by a 13 year old with terminal cancer. It’s win-win for LeBron. How many kids with a terminal illness did MJ let coach? Exactly.

 

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