Donald Trump Doesn’t Write His Own Tweets? Sad!

Via Business Insider

  • West Wing staffers intentionally insert grammatical errors into messages they draft for the president’s Twitter account, seeking to mimic his characteristic style, according to the Boston Globe.
  • Some staffers reportedly even enjoy the criticism the White House receives over @realDonaldTrump’s unconventional language and syntax.
  • And the president’s aides have become so adept at replicating Trump’s Twitter language that algorithms are having difficulty differentiating between authentic and staff-written messages.

Folks,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Do you remember where you were when your parents told you Santa Clause wasn’t real? I do. I was in Trenton, Ontario, visiting my grandmother. I believe I was somewhere between grade 4 & 5. It was warm out, let’s say late spring. My father and I began having a discussion on the couch, we talked about how the tooth fairy and Easter bunny weren’t real. This wasn’t too much of a shock, I loved reptiles as a kid, so a bunny that laid eggs never really made sense to me and frankly, the knowledge of knowing that I wouldn’t accidentally crush a hard working fairy in my sleep was music to my ears. What was not, was what my father said next. He said something a long the lines of “since you know these are fake creatures, you know Santa isn’t real”? Silence. Sure, when you’re 40 something, I guess it’s pretty easy to put two and two together (four) but when you’re still at the age where you have dreams of making the NFL, that shit can sting. Luckily for me, it would only be one more year until my dad broke the news to me that despite my cripple knees, slight-childhood obesity and fear of getting tackled, I would not make the NFL.

Well…. I’m currently 23, writings blogs and working in an office job for the summer just 5 feet away from the man who crushed my soul (fitting that I’d spend my summers working for the guy), but that’s not the point. The reason I bring up finding out about Santa not being real is because, this is the same feeling all over again.

What do you mean Donald Trump doesn’t write all his own stuff? This would be like finding out Elvis stole all his music from black people. You’re telling me someone else came up with the 2017 hit classic ‘Covfefe’? Or that every time the President declares himself the victim of the biggest witch hunt in U.S. history (no offense Salem) that it’s not actually the Commander in Tweet writing these gems but some intern who will inventively end up writing some tell-all book or suing Trump for sexual harassment. I just don’t feel comfortable knowing that someone else has access to the most powerful person on the planet’s twitter account. I won’t lose a second of sleep knowing that Trump’s tiny fingers are just feet away from the nuclear football but I’ll be up all-night tossing and turning, knowing we’re one drunk intern away from a goddamn third World War. Because, luckily for us all, even the nuclear football involves a couple checks and balances, to prevent the umpteenth time the apocalypse is upon us but there is no government protocol set into place if one of the many people with access to Trump’s twitter calls the president of South Africa the “N word” or started throwing racial epitaphs at the current Mexican president for not funding Trump’s “glorious” wall. If this news break didn’t get the doomsday clock to move a little closer to midnight, then it’s a crock of shit because no hyperbole, finding out that multiple people may have access to Trump’s twitter account is the scariest thing to come out of his administration to-date.

On the flip-side, even the smartest algorithms created by the nerds down at Silicon Valley can’t even decipher which tweet is Trump’s and which is a staff members. This all because Trump’s staff have learned to mimic even the most obtuse cadences, like his Random punctuation That Makes my grade 6 class Look smart! This is huge news for human kind as every day we seem to be moving even closer to being ruled by Artificial Intelligence. Before, scientist’s would have to use to the Turing test to figure out if AI had become sentient but it’s clear that isn’t enough. Alan Turing may have been able to break the Nazi’s enigma code while hiding his sexuality but he’s never tweeted at 3 in the morning that a former U.S. president may have been born in Kenya. This is why when the Turing Test starts to fail us in a few years, we’ll have to begin using the Trump Test.

Also, before I forget, Trump has completely destroyed the saying of “be careful what you post online, because future employers will be watching). This dude called John McCain a pussy for being a POW and called Barack Obama a Kenyan. If there was ever a reason to not hire someone, there it was. So the next time, your grandparent tells you that athletes are idiots for what they post on twitter or if you ever get scared that some drunk photo is going to cost you your future, just look at the President’s twitter and kindly remember that everyone’s full of shit and you’ll be just fine.

P.S. Who’s ghost writters have the toughest job? Drake’s, Trump’s or Dr. Dre’s?

My personal opinion

  1. Drake (takes a lot of effort to make Jimmy from DeGrassi more hood then Meek Mill, a man who was literally just released from prison).
  2. Trump
  3. Dre

 

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