The Canadian Royal Family Is Dissipating Amongst Itself


Like a modern day Wars of the Roses, the Ford’s are in the midst of a full blown family-war. Renata Ford, the widow of the late great Rob Ford, is currently claiming that Doug has neglected to give her, her cut from the family company and that he’s actively trying to sabotage said company. It’s a sad day when the Fords are in the news because there’s infighting between them. When I see something about the Ford’s trending, I always think it’s going to be something light, like smoking crack or running over an elderly council woman, not this.

This really shouldn’t come to a surprise to any of us. While Rob had that Chris Farley charm, Doug has always seemed scheming, conniving if you will. I’ve never really cared for Doug, after Rob died, he tried to ride the sympathy train by releasing an autobiography on him and his brother and unsuccessfully ran for mayor of Toronto. The man was starting to give Yoko Ono a run for her money. The only redeeming quality Doug had, was the fact that he continues to have the nicest sink that I’ve ever pissed in. I have pissed in hundreds of sinks but Doug’s continue’s to stand alone in my memory, like a lost love.

Renata Ford’s claim couldn’t have come at a more auspicious* time, as we are exactly two days away from the Ontario provincial election and after Kathleen Wynne committed political Seppuku, the race comes down to Doug’s Tories and Andrea Horvath’s NDP in one of the closest provincial elections in recent memory. That’s why this news is not only huge but clearly strategically timed. Clearly Doug has been screwing over Renata for a while now and she could’ve chosen any time to sue him, instead she waited two days until the biggest moment in Doug’s political career, absolutely savage on Renata’s part. This is like the Ontario version of James Comey re-opening the Hillary investigation just days before the federal election. You can act like it won’t effect the election but we all know it will.

It’s not like Conservatives love Ford, I can honestly say that 100% of the conservatives I’ve talked to can’t stand Ford. They’re livid with the fact that Conservatives had such a slam dunk victory this election but elected to take a half court shot instead. Now, these are conservatives who live in Toronto, so they may not share the same ideals has small town Ontario but it’s not like Ford is from or really represents that part of Ontario anyways. He may be the leader of the Conservative party but to the rest of Ontario he pretty much represents everything that they perceive is wrong with Torontonians. So with this news dropping days before the elections whose, to say conservatives who were on the fence about Ford don’t just abstain from the election? I know old people LOVE to tell us about how they voted but do you know what they love more then telling people they voted? Not leaving the house. Everyone knows voting is a young persons game. You have to show up to a community center or school, maybe stand in line for a couple minutes, there’s a solid chance that the person running the registration booth is ethnic and we all know how you feel about them and even worse, you may have to walk down and UP a flight of stairs. You don’t want to do that, especially for someone you hardly agree with.

This is why Thursday’s election is so interesting. Are Ontarians ready for the first NDP government since 1990, one that ended in a famously horrid fashion or are we willing to turn a blind eye to Doug Ford’s transgressions in hopes that are system of checks & balances works out. All I know is that this time Friday, for the first time in almost 2 decades we are going to have a non liberal government.

*Did you know “auspicious” starts with “au”, you could’ve put a gun to my head and I would’ve guessed it started with an “o”. English, what a stupid fucking language.


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