Dwight Howard is arguably the best free agent available in the NBA. He’s a future Hall-of-Fame-r, he’s coming off his 14th consecutive season in which he finished with a double-double and more importantly is the biggest game changer available. I’m not talking in the physical sense but rather the fact that any team that decides to sign him would be akin to signing up for the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment. The guy will kill your team from the inside out. He’s become such a locker room cancer, that after being traded to the Nets earlier this month, he was quickly bought out, making him once again a free agent.
This led to rumours that the Golden State Warriors were considering signing the disgraced star, allowing Howard to finally live out his dream of playing on a dream team. Sadly for Howard, this would not come to fruition as it would be announced that the Warriors would be signing other renowned “locker room cancer” Boogie Cousins (I’m a huge fan of Boogie, we just need to call a spade a spade), this gave the Warriors a starting 5 that all participated in last years All-Star game, ultimately “ruining”* the NBA according to some people on the internet.
On the surface, this decision makes more then sense. Cousins’ is arguably in the prime of his career, as he’s one of the best centers in the NBA IMO. I think half the reason his career has been less then desirable has been due to the fact that for the majority of his career he played for the shitty Kings with shitty coaches. While Howard is in the downturn of his career, all the while still being a locker room pariah.
But then something came out that made this story even more interesting. As I’ve said, choosing Boogie was definitely the right call but what wasn’t mentioned before was that the whole Golden State Warriors had a team meeting to decide whether or not to sign Dwight for the veterans minimum and giving him his first real shot an NBA title. The Warriors would decide to forgo signing the disgraced Superstar after said meeting. Whilst we don’t know forsure who was all involved in said meeting, was it the whole team? Was it just the splash brothers? Perhaps we’ll never know but I’m willing to take a shot. The reason the Golden State Warriors didn’t sign Dwight Howard was because of Riley Curry.
Riley Curry has easily been the most vocal person to come out of the Golden State Warriors. Most the team is relatively quiet when it comes to talking trash or talking to the media in general. Curry might do a little shimmy (a move he stole from your’s truly) and chew on his mouth-guard as obnoxiously as possible but that’s about it. Draymond is good for a least 3 crotch punches a season but even that isn’t as frequent as some people may have you think. Riley on the otherhand has never been one to shy away from the camera (unless the Warriors lose). For the last few years whenever the Warriors get a big win, Riley is at the front of the camera’s, hiding her superstar father and taking the spotlight for herself. She’s a classic Generation Z, for all the time she misses on the court, she’s makes up it for at their press conferences. Granted, Curry has gotten a little less vocal as the years have gone on, maybe it’s because she’s finally maturing or maybe, just like winning, Riley Curry is getting bored of doing Press Conferences.
So just like Lebron, Curry decided to play GM because she was bored. Dwight Howard currently has 5 children, those are 5 extra kids, Riley’s gotta battle it out with for “media-darling”, she’s already got enough competition on the home front after her parents gave birth to her little sister Ryan and more recently her little brother Cannon. As the oldest sibling in my family, I know what it’s like to have to defend the crown, my brother is both better looking then me and stronger, my sister is also better looking then me and smarter, this forced me to become funny. Had I not developed a sense of humour my mother would’ve left me on a hill like deformed Spartan child. Curry can’t have to worry about her own siblings vying for the throne like a modern day War for Spanish Succession, plus a a litter of Howards? Fuck that! Not on Riley Curry’s watch. You don’t stay queen by going all Laissez-faire, that’s what happened to Marie Antoinette and look how that turned out… Inspiring a sport that would later be known as Basketball by having a bunch of frogs throw her head into a basket.
Riley Curry is the closest thing the NBA has to Terrell Owens, At any moment in an interview she could either end up yelling at a reporter, gloating about something she didn’t even do or start crying in an effort to show support for a teammate. No matter the case, Riley Curry only cares about being the focus of attention and it’s only time before this leads to Golden States downfall.
P.S. Can the Warriors hire David Lee or something, feel like that guy got absolutely shafted. JaVale McGee is out here winning back-to-back, where as the second Lee sniffed his first championship, he was sent off to Boston. Sad!
*Historically speaking every decade has been run by 1 or 2 super teams, whether it be the Celtics, Lakers, Spurs or Warriors.