Crow Attacks Have Become So Vicious, Vancouver Has Halted Their Mail Service

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Folks,,,, we are at def con 1 when it comes to these motherfucking crows. It was one thing when there was the odd flyby attack, but once you start shutting down government jobs, you know we have a problem. I would go as far as to say as these crows should be classified as terrorists. What has ISIS ever done to Canada besides be on the wrong end of a sniping world record? They’ve never attacked us? They’ve never interfered with our day-to-day lives. Yet these crows are shutting down Vancouver’s postal service. I don’t want to live in a world where mailmen don’t feel safe walking our streets. Now, I know what some of you are thinking, “if the mailman didn’t want to get attacked, maybe they should’ve been wearing less provocative clothes” and I can concede that. You know when you take up the call to arms to be a mailman that you are dog’s number 1 target. But no mailman leaves his family thinking he’s going to be pecked alive like some Edgar Allen Poe novel. And if you don’t think a crow/raven can be murderous, well then you’ve never been to Baltimore. They literally have a statue in honour of a Raven that killed a guy.

Say what you want about Americans but if there’s one thing they got right, it’s that EVERYONE should be armed with a gun. I have to think that if all the citizens of Vancouver were armed with guns, these crows would think twice about attacking folks like a StuKa dive-bomber. Or we should at least arm our mailmen with the latest in firearm technology. I have never once heard of a mailman going crazy and shooting people and at the end of the day, mailmen are our last line of defense when it comes to junk mail. Thanks to Hotmail folders, junkmail is almost a thing of a past but thanks to these last bastions, junk mail has been given another lease on life.

P.S. If there was ever a sign that mail has become obsolete, I have to think it’s this.

P.P.S. Stay woke but this could just be one giant Game of Thrones marketing strategy.


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