Does Ambien Make You Racist?

Yesterday, ABC cancelled their hit show Roseanne after star and inspiration for the show Roseanne Barr tweeted that former Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett was the offspring of The Planet of The Apes and the Muslim Brotherhood.

This tweet was quickly admonished for it’s clearly racist content and the fact it lacked any basis. I mean, how can you say someone is “blank plus The Planet of The Apes”?. Is Roseanne saying that Valerie Jarrett reminds her of a young Charleston Heston? If that’s the case, while progressive, it could not be more incorrect. Jarrett has gone on record stating that she’s anti-gun, whilst Charleston Heston is one of the NRA’s biggest supporters.  Or perhaps she’s referencing the 2001 Mark Whalberg monstrosity Planet of The Apes, which would fall in line with her political beliefs but still seems to miss the mark. Or, Roseanne may be making reference to latest installments in the franchise, the point is, Roseanne needs to be more clear with whom from The Planet of The Apes, Valerie Jarrett reminds her of because we have like 50 years worth of films and characters to chose from.

*has someone whisper in ear*

“OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

*whispers back*

“She know’s the Apes were the good guys in the movies right?”

So after having her show cancelled for comparing a black woman to an ape, Roseanne did the only thing she could. Apologize and blame her sleeping medication, in this instance, Ambien. Which brought up the question “does Ambien make you racist?”. Ambien was quick to come out and distance themselves from the now disgraced star.

Now, I’m not one to take Big Pharma’s side, I’ve gone on record pretty much everywhere sharing my disdain for Big Pharma, especially when news like they’ve known about Oxy abuse since ’96 and just ignored it drops. But that doesn’t mean we can blame them for just anything. Personally, I don’t take ambien but I do take sleeping medication because I have insomnia. I’ve never considered myself a HUGE racist but then again, you never suspect that you’re the killer. Maybe before I started taking medication for my insomnia, I was as innocent as a butterfly. But then pill after pill, night after night, I was slowly forming into a biggot. Like a slower and more racist werewolf transformation.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

………………………………………

 

Nope!

I’m calling bullshit, every-time I’ve mixed with alcohol and sleeping medication, I crash like a drunk Kennedy. I once had a buddy ask me to go to the bar at like 12:30 after I had already popped my sleeping pills and was literally falling asleep at the bar. No way if your mixing alcohol (memorial day) and ambien that your getting more racist. Maybe if it was a xanny and booze, I’d understand. Letting go of your inhibitions and letting the racist version of you come out.

So to summarize:

Ambien=Not Racist

Xannax=Racist

Thank you.

 

P.S. The right wing media has pointed out how it’s unfair that Roseanne get’s her show cancelled when she calls a black woman an ape but Bill Maher get’s to keep his job after calling Trump part orangutan.

1. That’s actually a compliment. Orangutan’s are some of the strongest mammals out there, the President should be honoured to be mentioned in the same breath as such an animal.
2. The right realizes the left also hates Bill Maher (?) well I guess not seeing as they think we’d be heartbroken if his show got canceled. His show is arguably one HBO’s biggest weak-spots and if I wanted some holier then thou old person telling me what to believe, I’d hang out with my asshole grandparents (I can say that, they’re assholes)
3. That’s not how this works. Call it unfair, call it reparations, but you CAN compare a white person to a monkey, black people on the other hand, you cannot. If this bothers you, blame your relatives for being racist pieces of shit.